tiny note of encouragement
“there is nothing wrong with you.”
words I needed to hear growing up. now I tell myself and you: you can simultaneously be whole and a work in progress.
when you’re alone, when everyone else is busy or asleep, how do you feel?
do you feel anxious, wanting to distract yourself? do you feel the need to reach out to someone, anyone, who could make you feel better?
are you able to sit with the stillness?
you can’t always distract yourself. you can’t always fill your cup with someone else’s words. it needs to come from within.
I’ve gotten to that point where I can be alone and recognize what comes up and accept it. changing lifelong patterns can take time. I don’t beat myself up for not knowing any better. after all, how could I have known? you don’t grow inside your comfort zone. and you can’t expect someone to give you what they don’t have.
as an introvert, I love being alone, but I used to distract myself with the noise of the world. thinking everyone else had the answer. I wanted someone to tell me the one thing that will cure the depression. someone who could put me back together so I could finally be worthy. no such thing exists though.
you’re the expert on yourself. my fave guy Rumi said, “the cure for the pain is in the pain.”
spend some time alone and see what comes up. It will be uncomfortable and awkward and possibly scary. be patient with yourself.
you deserve your compassion the most.
I still find myself seeking distractions so I haven’t figured it all out, but now I understand there is nothing wrong with me, I’ll be figuring things out the rest of my life, and my feelings don’t scare me.
they are simply my teachers.
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